How to build and restore Trust in any relationship

They key to successful relationships, whether in our personal or professional lives, is the existence of trust.

Legendary Notre Dame football coach Lou Holtz said:

The new player has three questions about the coach, which are the same questions the coach has about the player:

  1. Can I trust you?
  2. Are you committed?
  3. Do you care about me?

Trust requires effort to build, but can quickly be lost if not maintained.

We can achieve, and restore, TRUST in our relationships, however, by focusing on the following:

Truth – First and foremost, the truth must be present for trust to occur.  It is the foundation for any relationship, and requires each party to be honest with one another.

Respect – Each party must also have a mutual respect for the other.  Without it, we may take take the other person for granted and be dismissive of their ideas or feelings.  A feeling of lack of respect is the one of the biggest killers in any relationship.

Understanding – As Stephen Covey stated in the 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, “Seek first to understand, then be understood.”  We may not always agree with someone, but trying to understand why they feel or think a certain way shows that we care and are willing to listen.

Support – A spirit of togetherness and teamwork is required to foster a relationship.  Each party should know they have the support of the other, and know that each is willing to offer a helping hand, or ear, when necessary.

Transparency – While similar to the truth, transparency is providing all of the information with no hidden agendas.  Here’s an example of how one can be truthful or honest, without being transparent:

A wine glass is halfway filled with wine.  You can say the glass is half empty (or half full), and you are telling the truth.  You are being transparent, however, if you say that the 8 oz glass has 4 oz of wine in it.

Trust takes time to build, and can quickly erode, but focusing on the tenets of TRUST can help us to keep our relationships on track.

 

 

To deal with PAIN, you have to LAUGH

Pain is an inevitable part of our lives.

Sometimes it is the result of factors outside of control, but often its causes are self-inflicted.

Acknowledging the sources of our pain is the first step we can take to make positive changes in our lives.

This list may not contain all the sources of your PAIN, but it may open your mind to other causes:

Perfectionism – While it is good to set high standards and goals, establishing unrealistic ones that aren’t in line with our values is setting ourselves up for failure.  Two important questions to ask ourselves in a quest for perfection are Whose standard are you trying to live up to, and Why?

Anxiety – When we have regrets about the past, or worry about events in the future that have yet to occur, we let anxiety take over our lives.  As a result, we never live in the present moment.

Insecurity – When we don’t believe in our abilities, we become prisoners of our thinking.  These limited beliefs prevent us from opening our minds and living to our fullest potential.

Narcissism – When we put ourselves first, we let our ego take over.  While we may not think of ourselves as being narcissistic, a chase for happiness without a spiritual foundation is a never ending race.

To help us deal with some of the sources of our PAIN, we can LAUGH:

Let go – Letting go is about us having faith that things will work out, and a belief that we don’t have, and don’t need, all the answers.

Acceptance – Acceptance allows us to embrace our imperfections.  It is about us being honest with ourselves to establish a starting point to make positive changes in our lives.  We should also accept that we have the power to change if we are willing to do so.

Uniqueness – When we accept that we are unique, comparison to others is no longer necessary.  While we can’t be someone else, we can work on being the best version of ourselves.

Gratitude – Tony Robbins says that when we practice and experience gratitude we can’t be worried or angry.  What a perfect antidote to PAIN!

Humility – Being humble allows us to keep our ego in check.  It is a quiet confidence in our abilities, but also an understanding of the importance of service to others.

If we can learn to embrace our ability to LAUGH, we can learn how to handle, and begin to eliminate, the PAIN in our lives.